More than the Mommy in the Mirror

Recently, I've been going through what I know a lot of moms (esp. SAHMs) can empathize with; the quest to find a self-identity in the midst of being a mom. When you first become a mom, nothing else in the whole world matters, and you're OK with that. You're just reveling in the glory of your new baby and your new role in life. But as time goes by, if you're like most SAHMs, you discover that your "new role in life" has completely taken over your life, and that there is no other aspect to who you are. You're just "mom."

This "identity crisis" really hit me hard in the past few months. As much as I love being Aria's mommy, and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, I was starting to realize that there was little else that defined my existence. Even my relationship with my hubby had been infringed upon, because no matter how you look at it, you're not just a couple anymore: you're parents. It's so easy to let who you are become completely enveloped in your little one. And that's not all bad; it means you love your child deeply, and later on in life they will really (hopefully) appreciate it. But you still need to find you, just like I needed to find me.

When you describe yourself, what words do you use? I was noticing this the other day - all over the internet, wherever you go, you're usually asked to make a profile of some kind. Here on Blogger, on Facebook, Twitter, any other blogs of forums you belong to - they all ask you to make a simple or detailed profile of yourself. That little "about me" tab gets me every time. Who am I? The first words that always go in that box for me is "mom and wife." But what else? What else describes me?


This has triggered a lot of thought for me, so I went to some of my older profiles from extinct websites and social networks (Xenga, anyone?), and looked to see what words I had used to describe myself as in my past. "Musician, singer" were a couple defining words; I had described myself as "artsy, social, outgoing" and that I enjoyed concerts, sports, and good food. I wanted to be a professional musician or music critic. My goodness, how time as changed things. Now in reality, not all those things are far off from who I am now; I still enjoy all of those things, I still consider myself a musician and somewhat outgoing, but when I stopped to think about it, I couldn't really zero in on any aspect of my existing life that someone could look at and say, "Aha! That woman is a singer!" ... I just took for granted that that was still a part of me (and for the record, nothing could change that, it will always be a part of me, I just needed to reintegrate it into my life.)

The twinge of "regret" for us as moms comes in when we realize there is no "self-identity" anymore... who you were has changed. Not just your life - you. But you still need to find things that define you. You can't just morph into someone else and leave your interests and hobbies permanently behind. What will happen when your kids leave? Will you just cease to exist?

I decided to find things that I enjoyed doing that could be done at home with Aria. I started making decorations for my home on my own. I watch a lot of episodes of "Design on a Dime" during Aria's nap time, and got some great ideas for how I could do the same thing to our little apartment. You've seen some of my project here on the blog. Even just moving around furniture, rearranging the bookcases, and re-organizing things can give you a sense of accomplishment and "nesting." Don't like the beat-up, outdated finish on your old dresser? Repaint it! Look up a cool way to refinish the surface on it, and you have a new piece! There are some great ways to make cheap, personal artwork for your walls that will help you satiate the inner artist during your kids' nap time! Just find something you enjoy doing, and take a few minutes 3-4 days out of your week and indulge; whether that's catching up on the latest bestseller while soaking in a tub, throwing around a basketball in the drive way or getting all crafty like me. Even blogging can help, especially if  "writer" is a word you use to describe yourself. If you don't find something to express who you are, you'll lose who you are.

My challenge to you today is to look in the mirror and find another word to describe you other than "mommy" and comment below to tell me who or what that is and how you're going to "rediscover" that aspect of yourself. The "new you" doesn't have to be boring :)

Pretty Pretty Princess

A while ago, I mentioned that Aria's mothering instincts had started to kick in, and we could see that when she rocks, pats and kisses her "babies." She'll lay them in her cradle and sing to them and it's really quite adorable. Now, we're starting to see some of her "inner girliness" come out. While she still actually chews on her teething rings occasionally, now they are mostly being used as bracelets and tiaras - at least, I think that's what she's doing when she puts them on her head. :) She'll walk around the house holding one of the bigger ones on her head with her hand (which makes for some very off-balanced walking) and holding her other arm up in the air to keep her "bracelets" on. It's really too cute. She will also grab her comb and start attempting to comb her own hair, which usually just ends up with her hitting herself in the head. Now I just can't wait to get a tu-tu on her!

Aria with her "princess hat" (for lack of a better term) and
carrying around one of her beanie cats :)

Shake, Tumble and Roll: The Techniques of the Tripping Toddler

Aria moments away from employing the "Thud" technique.

As Aria learns to move around more quickly, she doesn't have a lot of patience for slowing down. This causes for a lot of odd dances to stay upright and, occasionally, falling flat on her face or tucus. Now, for those parents who have not yet been through the "learning to walk" stage, there are several different falling techniques your young toddler will employ. I will now explain them in depth, so as to aid in the understanding of curious parents.

The first is what Josh and I simply refer to as "Thud" because there's no glamorous ending; it's just a simple "THUD" on the ground flat on their rear, as though they suddenly meant to be sitting down. After a look of mild confusion to indicate that they did not indeed intend to be sitting at that present moment, the toddler can return to a standing and/or walking position quite easily.

The next would be the "Wobble, Wobble, One Touch." This takes place when the toddler starts to lose his or her balance, but instead of falling backwards, they begin to fall forward. This must be avoided at all cost, so as to save the parents expensive medical or future dental bills. Thus, after wobbling around attempting to maintain their balance, the toddler will then lean forward, touching one hand to the ground to stable his or herself. At this point, once they have reached a safe position, they can either lower themselves to the ground safely, or push themselves back up again.

The third is what I tend to call the "Much Too Downward Dog." This occurs when, unlike the last technique, there is no time to wobble around and steady oneself; instead, the toddler just throws both arms down in yet another attempt to avoid hitting the ground face first. Unfortunately, since there was no time to regain balance, the toddler will then just fall over sideways, while still maintaining a nearly perfect "Downward Dog" stance. This technique is best utilized when in a large open area, so as to not hit one's head during the Downward Dog Descent. Even if this technique is pulled off flawlessly with no injury, there still tends to be a tad residual trauma left over, that may cause for a wimper or a full-blown hysteria fit, depending on the child and their state of mind.

I hope these three basic techniques, their explanations and their expected emotional outcomes will be of use to you and your child as you go through the stage of learning to quickly maneuver oneself about.

Small Business Saturday!

Last year, American Express started what is now known as "Small Business Saturday," to take place the day after Black Friday. It's to promote the growth of local small businesses and direct sales reps the same way our Black Friday shopping helps put those big chain stores back in the black. I know I just posted about this, but I want to remind everyone about the Small Business Christmas Challenge I posed the other day... If you Christmas shop from your favorite direct sales ladies, it will help them create Christmas for their families as well.

Direct sales reps and consultants make up the majority of what are considered "small businesses" in America, and they directly impact the income of the people you're buying from. Over  15 million people in the US are involved in DS, so it shouldn't be too hard for you to find a friend whose trying to provide for her family through her DS company. (http://www.directselling411.com/about-direct-selling/)

Do something good with your Christmas shopping this year, and support your local family owned restaurant, buddy from college who sells candles, or creative mom friend from your play group that makes adorable hats and outfits for babies. The options are endless.

Room Rearrange

Just last week, Aria moved from her baby dresser to her "big girl dresser." The only difference (besides size) is the baby dresser has a built in changing table on top, and Aria has out grown it. It is a wonderful dresser that was given to us by friends who are now missionaries in Africa, and I will most certainly pull it out again when we have another baby, but for right now, Aria needed more space.


However, due to the size difference in the two dressers, this switch also required for us to rearrange her room. The old room arrangement really was for the infant stage; the furniture groupings were designed to make feed, changing and bedding easier and didn't give her much room to play. The new layout is much more conductive to playing and running around. It has grown into a toddler's room.

I can't believe how fast all this is happening. I can still remember like yesterday the feeling of bringing her home from the hospital, trying desperately to rock her to sleep after hours of crying, (thank you, acid reflux for those memories) and cheering over her first intentional smile. I can't believe we're in the toddler stage now.

She's really growing into a little girl now, which is what inspired the room revamp. She needed more space to play, and the living room just could not contain all her toys any more. Now, she has three distinct play areas in her room for books and reading, (her favorite) dollies and noisemakers (there are very few toys in our house that don't fall into one of these three categories!) By the end of the day, all 3 kinds of toys are inevitably in one heaping pile in the middle of the room, but the fact that they all have a place to go makes me feel more organized, if nothing else.

Next thing I know, we'll be moving her out of her crib, and into her "big girl bed." but until then, I will enjoy tucking her into bed in her baby crib... enjoying each day as it comes.