Show them Love to teach them Love

This post has been a long time coming, because it's something I feel is so important, but I just couldn't find the right words to say what I felt. There are so many things that you may know in your head, but living them out is so much more complicated than you would have ever dreamed. I feel like being a parent brings a lot of these issues to the surface.

We all understand, at least somewhat, that the way we act around our kids will teach them how to act. If you have road rage, you're kids will most likely be angry drivers. If you fight with your spouse in front of your kids, you are not only teaching your kids how to fight, but also how to treat the opposite gender and will influence (positively or negatively) how they treat their future spouse. How you act around people will mold their world-view and their actions toward various types of people. How you treat going to church will influence their view on God, Jesus and religion in general.

Here's what I'm trying to say. If you require your kids to get all dressed up for church, have them sit through a long (or even short) church service, make them sing all the right songs and say the right words, and then go home and do it all again the next Sunday, they are not going to enjoy church. They are not going to understand why you attend church. They won't understand Jesus' love for them. They won't understand what Christianity is supposed to be, or what it's supposed to look like. (Let me clarify right here - we attend church every Sunday. I am not at all saying you shouldn't attend church, bring your kids, have them worship with you etc. Just keep reading and I think you'll get what I'm trying to say.) 

Every little kid who's every spent any time in church knows the song "Jesus Loves Me," but it is our job as parents to show them and teach them that Jesus really does love them. A child will not understand that Jesus loves them if the only time they hear about Jesus' love is when they're in an uncomfortable dress/suit singing with a bunch of kids once a week. Sorry, it's just not going to happen. A child is going to learn about Jesus' love for them and the world in their every day lives. How we act at home, how we treat other people, how we talk about Jesus on any other day besides Sunday - those are the ways a child is going to learn about Jesus' love. If you make fun of homeless people when yo're driving through the city, you're teaching your child that Jesus doesn't love them as much as He loves those better off. If you look with condescension on those who didn't "dress right" for church that day, you're teaching your kids that how you look is more important than how you love. If you never show your kids the parts of the world that are persecuting Christians, they will not have the level of gratitude that everyone of us should have for the freedom to worship Christ openly. If you don't serve, they won't serve. It's that simple.

When Christ was here on earth, it's apparent that He honored the Jewish Sabbath day; however, we rarely hear about him going to the temple to "fellowship with other believers." Who do we see him hanging out with the majority of the time (besides his disciples)? He spent time with sinners, with the less fortunate, with the hungry, the poor. He spent his earthly ministry feeding the hungry, healing the sick, and praying with and for those who hated him. He was a Light to the darkness; He was Salt to the world.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in "how we've always done things" that we forget that the whole reason for our hope of eternal life is Christ's love and sacrifice. It's not tradition, a solid Christian heritage or our "high standards." It was Love that saved us. It's Love that is interceding for us at the Father's throne. It's Love that gives us grace each and every day. Love is the very foundation of Christianity. Love for those who most deem unloveable. Love without expecting anything in return. Sacrificial Love. It's so hard. It's not human. It's a supernatural Love that can only come from the Holy Spirit.

I've heard many people say that we need to not spend so much time talking about love, because it's the Gospel that saves, and that's true. But the Gospel is based in Love! And it's our love for Christ that will have us continue in our faith. Just as your love for your spouse causes you to do things that he or she would enjoy and keeps you from doing things they don't enjoy so much, our Love for Christ is what will keep us in His will (along with a whole lot of work from the Holy Spirit.) Your sanctification is not based on you or your works, it's based on the same thing that saved you - the grace, power and love of God.

This Christmas, I encourage all of you to find a creative way to demonstrate the Love of God to your kids. God the Father gave us EVERYTHING, which is the whole reason for Christmas. Whether you sacrifice some of your time in this crazy season, some of that money you were saving for January sales, whatever else you can think of; try and teach your kids what Jesus' Love really looks like. Christians are supposed to be known for their love. Show the world you're a Christian this Christmas - Love someone.

Operation Christmas Child is one of my favorite charities. They help provide
a brighter Christmas for kids in less fortunate circumstances, while also
sharing the gospel with many who have never heard. There are many other programs
that assist with under privileged this time of year, even in your local neighborhood. 

Playing Nice with Others

 Unfortunately, due to the childlessness of the majority of my close friends, Aria doesn't get the chance for a lot of play dates. She does go to our nursery at church every Sunday and Wednesday, but I really don't get her see her interact with other kids, because I'm not in the nursery with her. So this Thanksgiving, I was eager to see how she would play with my cousin's younger daughter, Grace. We've always taught Aria to "share" with us, but how well would it work with another baby? One who couldn't chase her down for that toy like daddy can? Well, I'm happy to report that she did very well. In fact, I think she was very entertained by Grace and vice versa. They ended up playing with the same toys and "reading" the same books with only one memorable incident of Aria taking Grace's toy. We also kept on the lookout with Aria's curious fingers attempting to take out Grace's eyeballs, but (to my knowledge) such an incident did not occur, for which all four parents involved are very grateful, I'm sure.

Checking each other out

"Hey mom, I like this whole playing together thing!"

Pigtails and Purses

I've mentioned before that Aria is starting to show off her personality in so many ways, and fashion is one of those ways. She recently discovered a big fuzzy black hat we got from someone before she was born (I'm not even sure where it came from, but if you are the previous owner, thank you!) She's in love with this little hat and a "purse" that came with an outfit my mom bought her several months ago. She's been walking around with this hat on her head and her purse over her shoulder, the blankey trailing behind. It's too cute.

Her hair has also finally grown to the point where we can put it in pigtails, which is probably one of my favorite things ever. We can really seeing her transforming from a baby to a little girl right before our eyes. It goes so fast.

Aria with her fuzzy hat and mini purse

Showing off those pigtails!

"Look how cute I am!"

Thanksgiving

Every other year, my dad's side of the family all gets together in PA to celebrate Thanksgiving together. We all stay together in this big lodge type house at a Christian camp way up in the mountains. There's always lots of football (both playing and watching,) WAY too much food and many memories. This year was both Aria and Grace's first year with the family (Grace is my cousin's daughter.) It was fun having the babies together for the first time and hanging  out with all the cousins again - something that only happens at this biannual event.

This year, I'm thankful for a wonderful little family. I'm thankful for all the little blessings we've been given, and the lessons we've learned along the way. I'm thankful for our little church, which has welcomed us with open arms and with so much love. I'm thankful for the friends and family that make life so much fun to live. I'm thankful for Thirty-one for giving me some financial independence and a fun outlet. I'm thankful for the silliness of my toddler, and the loving arms of my husband. I have so much to be thankful for this year, I don't have the room on my blog to complete my list.

I hope you and yours had a blessed Thanksgiving holiday, and that you make even more great family memories as we go into this Christmas season! 

Don't compare the love.

There are many, MANY things I love about the convenience of today's online world. As I've mentioned before, sometimes we as SAHM's have a hard time discovering ourselves in our new role and new life; the internet makes forging new friendships and interests much easier for those of us who can't get out of the house as much as we used to. I really treasure a lot of the friendships I have made online, and I'm thankful for all the many ideas and interests I have been able to cultivate because of this tool. However, I've found one downside of all the connection with other moms and ladies all across the world, and that is the danger of comparison.

We as mothers already compare ourselves constantly; to our mothers, to our partner's mother, to that mother at the playground or the grocery store - we're constantly looking at other moms for reassurance, encouragement and, ultimately, comparison. We can compare ourselves to that one mom with the out-of-control 2-year old and think, "Well, at least my child doesn't throw those temper tantrums!" or at the mom who has very successful older children and think, "I hope I can raise kids that intelligent/wealthy/kind etc..." It's a very natural thing, this comparison, but it can be unhealthy, especially for those of us who already struggle with feelings of inadequacy or imperfection.

The internet cultivates this kind of comparison outlook with all the different social sites we have now. Not just Facebook, in face I would say Facebook is the least likely culprit; it's usually those "Mom sites" or maybe the groups setting on Facebook or, for me, Pinterest. Now, don't get me wrong, I am in LOVE with Pinterest right now! So many ideas and so much inspiration! I could spend hours on there! But after a while, I'm looking at this pins fellow moms and wives post and think "Wow, I could never do that." or "Why didn't I ever think of that? I must not be as good of a mom/wife/homeschooler etc." ... the list goes on. The ironic thing is, that most of those moms you think are Wonder Woman are probably looking at your ideas thinking the same thing.

Every mom is different. We all have our own strengths are weaknesses, things we are better than most people at, and things we could improve on. NO mom is super woman, although it may seems like that to all those around her. Most likely, she's facing those same feelings of inadequacy that "normal moms" feel every day. Whether you're a SAHM who wishes she could contribute more to the family income or a working mom who feels like she doesn't spend enough time with her kids, we ALL have feelings of insufficiency as moms. We feel we are shortchanging our kids in some way or another.

Here's the reality: your kids love you. No matter what. If you currently have teenagers, you may not feel like it, but they really do. And more than likely, they're going to be ok. As a younger mom, I can say this from a different perspective, having been that teenager not too long ago. Your kids' mistakes are not personal attacks against you; they haven't stopped loving you if they "screw up." You haven't failed your mission of parenthood if they make a mistake, in fact it can be the opposite. How you react to their mistakes and failures can actually make you a better parent. Teaching kids unconditional love no matter what, showing them that everyone's human and that's ok, demonstrating forgiveness for wrongs done, and directing them in the best ways to make things right are ALL valuable lessons that kids would never learn if everyone was perfect all the time.

Now, to tie the two ideas together. We as moms can will compare how our kids turn out amongst ourselves. Maybe your sister's kid has aced his way through math; maybe your best friend's kid has social or educational barriers. You don't love your kid anymore or less than your sister or best friend. You are not a better or worse mom than they are. You all have different children, different abilities and different perspectives. Our differences as humans are what make life so interesting. Stop trying to perfectly emulate that mom down the road who has the "perfect kids." Chances are, they leave their towels on the floor, just like your kids.

Photo credits to Sofabean Photography

The cutest garbage ever.

Today, Aria accidentally ripped part of the magazine I was letting her "read." She then picked up the ripped piece of paper, stood up and threw it in the garbage can! Then, she turned around to look at me with the biggest smile on her face and started clapping for herself. Cutest ever? I think so. Can't believe how fast my baby girl is growing up.

Learning to be Alone

From some recent reading I've been doing, I have come to discover that Aria's dislike for "aloneness" is not a unique quirk. Apparently most children go through a stage where they don't like to be completely alone. With Aria, however, I found it to be unusual; she loves playing with and by herself, she can read to herself for30-45 minutes at a time without ever needing me. She thoroughly enjoys make-believe time with her toys, and doesn't even really like it when we try to join her.

But as soon as I walk out of the room.... oh boy. It's like I'm there for emotional support or something.She just falls apart as soon as I cross the threshold from her room into the hallway. We have just recently gotten to the point where she will wander into her room on her own without us bring there, but even then, she yells out "MA? ma?!" every few minutes to make sure I'm still in hearing distance.

Like I said, I've been told that this is very normal with children her age, but how did you deal with your kids during this stage, especially when you had to get stuff done? Does keeping them with you 24/7 foster neediness and dependence, or will it not affect them? I've also heard that this emotional response to bring alone also has to do with their developing understanding of object permanence, so how can I help with this discovery? So far, we've just stuck pretty close to her, but we have tried to incorporate at least one session per day of "alone time" in her room. After a few minutes, she seems to forget why she's crying, and goes back to playing... any other parents out there with this experience? I'd love to hear your input!

Update on the Small Business Christmas Challenge

Well over 300 people have read my post on taking the "Small Business Christmas Challenge" and I would love to hear an update on how you're doing! Since we're all sharing here, I'll let you know what I purchased this year for Christmas from DS sellers I know, or at least a few of them (if I tell all the gifts I got, the family members reading my blog will figure out what they're getting....don't want that!)

For my sister-in-law, I used my Avon rep to get her some goodies she's been wanting. I will admit to purchasing a lot of gifts from Thirty-one since that's what I do, but I also grabbed up some goodies for my hubby from the new Lindt Chocolate DS company.  I'll also be grabbing up some of my favorite holiday scents from my Scentsy consultant for my mom and I. I'm also ordering a few things for Aria from Tupperware like their shapes ball and some fun plates!

These are just a few examples, and there are tons of other products that can be found in DS companies. From Mary Kay to Uppercase Living, there's something for every one and every home. Happy shopping!

Don't forget to come back after Christmas and share what you gave from a DS company or small business near you!