There are many, MANY things I love about the convenience of today's online world. As I've mentioned before, sometimes we as SAHM's have a hard time discovering ourselves in our new role and new life; the internet makes forging new friendships and interests much easier for those of us who can't get out of the house as much as we used to. I really treasure a lot of the friendships I have made online, and I'm thankful for all the many ideas and interests I have been able to cultivate because of this tool. However, I've found one downside of all the connection with other moms and ladies all across the world, and that is the danger of comparison.
We as mothers already compare ourselves constantly; to our mothers, to our partner's mother, to that mother at the playground or the grocery store - we're constantly looking at other moms for reassurance, encouragement and, ultimately, comparison. We can compare ourselves to that one mom with the out-of-control 2-year old and think, "Well, at least my child doesn't throw those temper tantrums!" or at the mom who has very successful older children and think, "I hope I can raise kids that intelligent/wealthy/kind etc..." It's a very natural thing, this comparison, but it can be unhealthy, especially for those of us who already struggle with feelings of inadequacy or imperfection.
The internet cultivates this kind of comparison outlook with all the different social sites we have now. Not just Facebook, in face I would say Facebook is the least likely culprit; it's usually those "Mom sites" or maybe the groups setting on Facebook or, for me, Pinterest. Now, don't get me wrong, I am in LOVE with Pinterest right now! So many ideas and so much inspiration! I could spend hours on there! But after a while, I'm looking at this pins fellow moms and wives post and think "Wow, I could never do that." or "Why didn't I ever think of that? I must not be as good of a mom/wife/homeschooler etc." ... the list goes on. The ironic thing is, that most of those moms you think are Wonder Woman are probably looking at your ideas thinking the same thing.
Every mom is different. We all have our own strengths are weaknesses, things we are better than most people at, and things we could improve on. NO mom is super woman, although it may seems like that to all those around her. Most likely, she's facing those same feelings of inadequacy that "normal moms" feel every day. Whether you're a SAHM who wishes she could contribute more to the family income or a working mom who feels like she doesn't spend enough time with her kids, we ALL have feelings of insufficiency as moms. We feel we are shortchanging our kids in some way or another.
Here's the reality: your kids love you. No matter what. If you currently have teenagers, you may not feel like it, but they really do. And more than likely, they're going to be ok. As a younger mom, I can say this from a different perspective, having been that teenager not too long ago. Your kids' mistakes are not personal attacks against you; they haven't stopped loving you if they "screw up." You haven't failed your mission of parenthood if they make a mistake, in fact it can be the opposite. How you react to their mistakes and failures can actually make you a better parent. Teaching kids unconditional love no matter what, showing them that everyone's human and that's ok, demonstrating forgiveness for wrongs done, and directing them in the best ways to make things right are ALL valuable lessons that kids would never learn if everyone was perfect all the time.
Now, to tie the two ideas together. We as momscan will compare how our kids turn out amongst ourselves. Maybe your sister's kid has aced his way through math; maybe your best friend's kid has social or educational barriers. You don't love your kid anymore or less than your sister or best friend. You are not a better or worse mom than they are. You all have different children, different abilities and different perspectives. Our differences as humans are what make life so interesting. Stop trying to perfectly emulate that mom down the road who has the "perfect kids." Chances are, they leave their towels on the floor, just like your kids.
We as mothers already compare ourselves constantly; to our mothers, to our partner's mother, to that mother at the playground or the grocery store - we're constantly looking at other moms for reassurance, encouragement and, ultimately, comparison. We can compare ourselves to that one mom with the out-of-control 2-year old and think, "Well, at least my child doesn't throw those temper tantrums!" or at the mom who has very successful older children and think, "I hope I can raise kids that intelligent/wealthy/kind etc..." It's a very natural thing, this comparison, but it can be unhealthy, especially for those of us who already struggle with feelings of inadequacy or imperfection.
The internet cultivates this kind of comparison outlook with all the different social sites we have now. Not just Facebook, in face I would say Facebook is the least likely culprit; it's usually those "Mom sites" or maybe the groups setting on Facebook or, for me, Pinterest. Now, don't get me wrong, I am in LOVE with Pinterest right now! So many ideas and so much inspiration! I could spend hours on there! But after a while, I'm looking at this pins fellow moms and wives post and think "Wow, I could never do that." or "Why didn't I ever think of that? I must not be as good of a mom/wife/homeschooler etc." ... the list goes on. The ironic thing is, that most of those moms you think are Wonder Woman are probably looking at your ideas thinking the same thing.
Every mom is different. We all have our own strengths are weaknesses, things we are better than most people at, and things we could improve on. NO mom is super woman, although it may seems like that to all those around her. Most likely, she's facing those same feelings of inadequacy that "normal moms" feel every day. Whether you're a SAHM who wishes she could contribute more to the family income or a working mom who feels like she doesn't spend enough time with her kids, we ALL have feelings of insufficiency as moms. We feel we are shortchanging our kids in some way or another.
Here's the reality: your kids love you. No matter what. If you currently have teenagers, you may not feel like it, but they really do. And more than likely, they're going to be ok. As a younger mom, I can say this from a different perspective, having been that teenager not too long ago. Your kids' mistakes are not personal attacks against you; they haven't stopped loving you if they "screw up." You haven't failed your mission of parenthood if they make a mistake, in fact it can be the opposite. How you react to their mistakes and failures can actually make you a better parent. Teaching kids unconditional love no matter what, showing them that everyone's human and that's ok, demonstrating forgiveness for wrongs done, and directing them in the best ways to make things right are ALL valuable lessons that kids would never learn if everyone was perfect all the time.
Now, to tie the two ideas together. We as moms
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| Photo credits to Sofabean Photography |
Good post Kara! :)
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